Year 31 - Reclaiming Myself

WTH people?? It KILLS me to see how many people double book themselves and dont know it. It is so aggravating. If you say you are going to do something, EFFING DO IT. Get a calendar, set a reminder on your phone for petes sake - USE YOUR DAMN PHONE for petes sake... you have a mini computer attached to your hip AT ALL TIMES...there is zero excuse to not use it. You really learn a lot about people by noticing their habits and I really try not to judge people right off the bat, but now being shown just how flaky people are, and honestly I am surprised about one of these people, my trust in them is waning. Dont waste my effing time and then come whining about how much help you need when you had access to the tools and the help you need but flaked out on it. One thing I have learned about myself over the years is that I just dont trust people in general, and I am starting to understand why. Rant EFFING over. I was awake at 3:45am. Why?? No idea. So I took an hour in bed and mentally rear...

Part of me is irritated already. At people. Particularly a certain person, who shall remain nameless. But my suspiscions have been confirmed and now my opinion of them has now changed to "flaky". Yes I understand that thier life is busy - so is mine. Mine HAS to be scheduled or else nothing gets done because I work full time, am a mom, a wife, Im going to school, doing books on the side, exercising, fulfill a Sunday calling and now teach and prepare a class on a monthly basis - among other things. But it works! BECAUSE I KEEP A CALENDAR. Im my brain there is just no excuse to not know what is happening when or double booking something because you automatically say yes to things. And I know that I cant expect everyone to be me, and I cant expect my habits to be everyone elses habits. But out of respect for other people AND their time, I make sure that what gets planned happens, I do what I say I'm going to do, and I make sure I'm not wasting anyones time. Right now, si...

I was off for the whole week for Thanksgiving so sorry for the MIA... Man I forgot how much I love stuffing. And no, I certainly didnt deprive myself of all the wonderful food. I just ate less of it and found that hey! portion sizes are satisfying! Although I didnt watch portion sized on the crab legs, bu they're protien so it doesnt count :) I only got in like 2 workouts, we had family in town and zero time to do anything normal, so as of this morning I am back on routine. I am not going to weigh myself either until after AF, I can feel myself retaining water which means that it will happen soon enough. Some days I wonder what it would be like if I was the stay at home mom I was going to be originally. I think I'd probably still get up early, but I'll have time to snuggle with my babies and nap... I think that is the hardest part about going to work every day is not getting enough time to snuggle when I want to, and of course DD gets up right as I am getting off the co...

I think I just went a little crazy. I may or may not have agreed to start running at 5:15am. It would be an attempt to help a friend get back into gear.. and I usually am awake at 5am, and end up going back to sleep until after my alarm goes off. SO I figured I would capitalize on the fact that I am already up and it would be good to add some cardio... honestly I'm a little scared of not getting enough sleep. But this may help me get to sleep earlier as it is. (Since its working soooo well right now... har har har) I LOVE conditioning and exercising, and I love helping others do it too. It was so much fun abotu 3 years ago I ran a stretch and conditioning class and it was great watching the improvement of my students. But I can do it. I hate running. But I need to challenge myself to do new things. And it will be fun having someone to do it with.

Nothing like getting mind effed from a dream right before you wake up. It was so disturbing that it really has thrown me for a loop today. I had to pray extra hard for focus power today. I got up and just dove into the couch with tea, blanket & cat and just started in on scriptures. No yoga... my brain was too fried to do anything.. and also I was knocking things over right and left so no yoga this morning. And I jsut seemed to be moving so dang slowly today that I ran out of the house late, but for the grace of good traffic, I made it to work on time. I am reading  a book called Its No Secret...someting about divine truths that every woman must hear. Its good so far and has some good thinking points. I am on the chapter about female competition and how detrimental it is to both parties when you want to emulate another person, but then when you feel that you have gotten to her level we tend to try to exceed her and be better and make her know that she is inferior. Pack mental...

I am so blessed. Yesterday I got to pay off a bill that has been nagging me for 10 years early!! (VICTORY!) And this morning I woke up to the sweetest love note from hubs. AND I got huge hugs and "tisses" from my DD before work. God has blessed our little family beyond measure and personally I feel like He has taken the time out to personally show me how much I am loved. I woke up at 6:50am today... oops. (YAY for dry shampoo.) But nevertheless I was in good spirits and took my tea with me and sang at the top of my lungs all the way to work. I also snuck in some Chuck Mangione so that was good too. Got to deal with ridiculous traffic... which never happens. So my plan to get breakfast on the way to work didnt happen and now Im stuck between eating nothing, eating carrots or going out. I am officially 136.... id been back and forth between 136 and 137 the past couple days and finally leveled out at 136. Which is crazy to think I've lost 10 pounds... and really only h...

Well whoever said that anything you do is 50% mental is right. I had a mom-fail night last night which left me emotional... and while I agreed to do a 18 min stretch video with hubs, my mental state was not letting my physical shape even think about working out. Thankfully there was a new video posted on a youtube channel I watch, so I slogged my emotional self over to the elliptical and was able to slog through 2 miles at a decent resistance. So I did it. So there. Oh and a slight victory, I found half of the Raquel video online on a different site, so I will at least have that until I get teh DVD copy from my mom. I went to bed way too late last night, and Pete couldnt make up his damn mind whether he wanted to play or sleep so he kept walking all over my face and purring as loud as he could, so that kept me up later. So this morning, I did get up at 6, but forgot I found the Raquel video.. so I just made tea and took 10 min to stretch on my own. It took a lot to get the sleep out ...

I have recently discovered the difference in taking time for myself in the morning and doing yoga... you already knew that. But now I have developed a NEED for the 20 minutes after yoga to sit on the couch with my tea and my Petey-poo and read scriptures and pray. I got a good taste of how your day changes when you do that yesterday. I had one helluva schedule yesterday that included not being able to sit down until 11:30pm. But I started my day with yoga and with scriptures and prayer and EVERY SINGLE THING GOT DONE and NONE OF IT was stressful or frantic. Keep in mind I've had plenty of these days in the past and I am always wiped out and irritable and stressed. And so this moring I woke up at 6:15 and missed "formal" yoga, but was really happy I still had time to sit by myself until 6:40 (yes I squeaked in an extra 5 min) and it was just so nice. (I did stretch a little while I waited for the kettle to boil) I love my life and my family but I never have had "me ...

After a no sleep zombie trip and the week after being so dang discombobulated, I took Saturday and did NOTHING. I didnt even put on pants until 2pm. And it was FANTASTIC. I slept until 10, played some games with my kids, read my book, drank a lot of tea (probably too much), and then went out to lunch with the family. I think I have recovered. I feel back to normal and not exhausted anymore. I wonder if half my exhaustion was from being mentally exhausted.  So back on track this morning! They took Raquel off the internet (Boo.) but my mother is making me a dvd of her old recording. So until then, I put on some relaxing music and did her "monday" routine, which I have memorized. Then I actually was able to get my tea and my kitten and relax into the couch with my scriptures for 20 min. I must say that they are right, the people who wrote the podcast about taking time for yourself in the quiet before everyone else is awake really makes a difference in how my day runs. I know ...

I woke up gumpy. Mainly because  I have been so tired and ended up having to go to the a prayer breakfast for the county at 6:30am...which means I had to leave my house at the same time I normally would be starting yoga. But as it were, I woke up and actually really enjoyed myself. And there was tea and food, so I was happy. For lunch my tribe suprised me and took me out to lunch and I havent gotten a darn thing done today. Well, I got my kindle fire yesterday and ended up getting my brain into electronic calendar format which is my main reason behind a Kindle fire. I am not thoroughly impressed with it, I would rather just have a straight android tablet, however for the 7" ones that actually fit in my purse, my choices were either Kindle or Digiland... or I sign up for a data plan which i dont want. SO I settled with at least a name brand. And it does mostly what i want it to do... i dont like that even though it uses android, it does not take a lot of the apps that regular and...

I think Im recovering. I finally did Pilates again last night... although I think it was out of adrenaline from not sitting down all day rather than having the energy to do it. I've had to be careful this week... I've been so worn down and tired that if I am not careful I know I'll throw myself into a cold or sinus infection. So this weeks goal is to sleep as much as I can while working out, but making sure not to burn myself out. Yesterday was such a go-go-go day that I woke up late today. I need a day to just do nothing at all. Just sleep. I feel like I have a newborn again but I'm not getting woken up all night. And I might be OK if I was getting adequate sleep to wake up at 5am..which is when Petey decides morning happens. But this week is a resounding "hells no". Plus, my brain is fried. I DO NOT want to adult. I dont want responsibilities, I dont want to think period. There is so much going on in our lives right now that today I am investing in a table...

Trump won, I'm still tired, my quads hurt from doing a new stretching video, I'm 136 now which means I didnt gain any weight on my trip... and my brain huuuurrrrtttsss. I am having the HARDEST time recovering from 5 days of no sleep on the road. Doesnt help I didnt get a downtime day before I had to get back to work. I am boycotting Facebook for a week or so... people are so petty. And I thought to boycott my work..but the conversation isnt too bad. I want to do nothing tonight but I have to do either homeschool tonight or FHE... not sure which. We didnt get to do it on Monday because family was in, and last night I had to go teach a class. Yaaaayyy redbull.

Its election day and I want to boycott my office until its over. I am already boycotting my Facebook feed for a few days. I tried to get on this morning and it is ALLLLLL political posts. Im over it. Im pretty sure that God will not be surprised in the least. I got a good night sleep last night and ended up skipping pilates last night still recovering from exhaustion... I am feeling back to normal today so i'll be picking back up. I have done yoga in the morning though. Right now I am still a little tired and I dont get to sit down until tomorrow evening. But that is ok. Im also not weighing myself until next week... Im too tired to want another thing to worry about.

Some days it feels like Im never going to get there. I measured my waist today and it is 32 inches. I am used to 28 or smaller. That was disheartening. I think i am finding that i feel this way when i am super tired. Since I am coming off a 5 day no-sleep road trip... and got a little bit out of routine, I think this is the case. It was nice to look at a bunch of the before and after pictures on Pinterest and remind myself that they didnt start seeing results until 4 months in and didnt reach thier goals until 10-12 months... I am taking this slow... I am feeling better and better (minus being sleepy) and I have to just keep reminding myself that slow and steady wins the race. I have gas today and just got a call to go out to dinner with hubs... I have to be good. And I will. And I am going to sleep like a rock tonight.

Sorry for the hiatus... had to go to a memorial service in California and so my mom and sister and I decided to turn it into a road trip. Todays post will be brief... I have a lot of catching up to do for school and work (sighhhh). It was a great time, the memorial was beautiful, I ate pretty well... missed all but one nightly workout, did yoga every morning and was basically just exhausted the entire time. But its good to be back. Tomorrow when Im not under the gun to things accomplished I'll expound more.

Organic blue corn chips and guacamole are a good breakfast, right?? I didnt have time to grab anything at home and since I fly out tomorrow it wouldnt do me any good to grab my Atkins shakes since they come in packages of 4...I'll just get some when I arrive.  I yoga'd this morning, although not very relaxingly...my daughter woke up at 5am and was a whiny little crab cake the entire time telling that she "doesnt yike yoda mama".... But I did it and since I'm pretty good at ignoring whining when I want to, it wasnt so bad. And the benfit of her waking me up early, is that I had time to do yoga and then go have some tea and read scriptures (like I've been trying to do anyways...) I have nothing more to say here today, my brain is trying to distinguish what needs to be done for work vs getting ready for my trip...